Deceitful!

I came home from school and took my nap. Opened my eyes when the sun had already set on the west. Switched on the television and there, saw a young actress portraying a role of a girl who secretly had fallen in love with her best friend. The theme song played, "Paano na kaya? Di sinasadya. Di kayang magtapat ng puso ko. Bakit sa dinamin-dami ng kaibigan ko, ikaw pa?" You might already know the Filipino movie I am talking about. Yeah. As I am watching, I just smiled -- thinking that there would be no real life story as the movie shows. Maybe, somehow, some may find resemblance but will never be exactly the way Kim-Gerald story goes.

Beside that, another thought popped out in my head. Nakakainis! Bakit kaya may mga taong ganun? Kahit alam nilang may gusto sila sa isa't isa, tinatago nila yun sa label na mag-bestfriend? Ano yun? Pilit nilang nilalagyan ng twist yung love story nila para sweet o may niloloko sila? Kung hindi ibang tao, baka mga sarili nila.

I turned on the computer. Logged in in a social networking site. Clicked and played. Saw an interesting blogger name and clicked. Read her thoughts -- in which more than 50% is about L-O-V-E. Ohhhnoooeeess. Kanina pa yan. But, I still kept on reading her posts. Until, I find my self reading about someone she missed; someone she once had but left. Sadly, a boy registered in my head and all of a sudden, I find myself in a state of missing him - a thing that I'd never thought I will ever feel again.

I traveled down my memory lane - our fights, text messages, vanity pictures together, Jollibee value meals, katakawan, dramas, lies, hurts, laughter, pain, third party affair, a-night-long phone conversation, Forevermore, roses, goodbyes and deception. Hayyy. Maybe it's true, that a girl will always remember the details left to her by the one she truly loves; because, until now, I still do.

The boy is my last boyfriend. Yet, I have given him all the love and privileges my first boyfriend should benefited from. After him, I had never fallen in love again nor been attracted to anyone. Staying out of a romantic relationship is not my option, it's my decision. Because I have proven, it's real, the heart is the most deceitful thing.

It makes me feel that something's the best for me, but it's not. It keeps telling me that I'll be happy to where it leads me, but, it's all temporal. Most of all, it always pushes me to follow its will while ignoring the fact that it's still HIS will that I should be submitting to.

Ayun. Naisip kong, minsan kong nagkamali dahil dito. Ayaw ko ng magkamali pa.
Kaya kahit nararamdaman ko ngayong nami-miss ko siya, alam ko, pag nag-give in ako, magkakamali uli ako. Sasarilinin ko na lang to. Bukas, pag gising ko, wala na ito.



Someday, if He'll reveal me the man He has prepared for me, that will be for sure. I must listen to His heart; not mine -- for it has always been deceitful above all things. :)